fail trolls are fail

FYI, the JO facebook page was jacked by some butthurt fail trolls. don't expect any lulz. Its already gotten pretty pathetic. Its really sad. It almost looks like a juggatard runs it. LOL.
Anyhow, we haz teh lulz, so stay tuned for some updates soon! we gots stuff in teh workz.

5 arrested in woman's slaying and dismemberment associated with Juggalos 'gang'

5 arrested in woman's slaying and dismemberment associated with Juggalos 'gang'; accomplices recently met victim on Internet and moved in with her
WIRE 01:00 PM - APR 04 2012


Five people charged in connection with the killing of an Ohio woman shared interest in a style of music known for its violent imagery as part of a loose-knit group identified by the FBI as a growing gang -- Juggalos.

Matthew Puccio, 25, Christopher Wright, 37, and Sharon Cook, 25, all of Urbana; and Kandis Forney, 25, and Andrew Forney, 26, both of Michigan, were arrested Saturday. They're facing charges in the death of 21-year-old Urbana resident Jessica Rae Sacco, who was found dead Friday in her apartment at 625 W. Light St., Urbana.

According to police, Puccio, stabbed Sacco, placed a bag over her head and suffocated her. Afterward, her body was dismembered. Some body parts found miles away in Kentucky.

Joshua Richards, Champaign County coroner, said an autopsy revealed Sacco's skin showed signs consistent with suffocation. She also had a stab wound in her upper abdomen, but it was not a fatal injury, the coroner said.

A woman who identified herself as a friend of Puccio and the Forneys spoke to the Springfield News-Sun on Monday while waiting for their extradition hearing.

She said she and the others are part of the Juggalos, people known to like the band Insane Clown Posse and other groups on the Psychopathic Records label. The woman, Linda, did not want her full name used to protect her identity.

Juggalos have been identified by the FBI as a loosely organized hybrid gang rapidly growing across the U.S. The FBI reports the group is somewhat transient in nature, and members are often involved in simple assault, personal drug use and possession, petty theft, and vandalism issues. Social networking has helped the group expand, according to the FBI report.

Linda said she, Puccio, the Forneys, Cook and Wright were all Juggalos, but she said it was mostly for the love of the music. She described Sacco as being "on the outside" of the Juggalos group, although she associated herself with them on Facebook, where they talked about being Juggalos.

"(Juggalos) aren't bad people. We're not really a gang," Linda said. "It's because of the code words we use."

Andrew Miller, of Springfield, said he was once a fan of Insane Clown Posse and offered a general defense of its supporters.

"These ICP fans are the most nonracist, nonhating people," Miller said. "(The band's) songs talk about bigotry and how evil it is."

Fans of "horrorcore," a blend of rap and heavy metal music with violent imagery, were accused in four murder cases in a two-month period in 2009. The attackers used a machete and a knife in one case, baseball bats in another.

According to Special Agent Harry Trombitas of the FBI's Columbus office in a news story at the time, "Individuals who are on the pathway to violence often surround themselves with violent music and literature. These (musical) groups themselves are not causative, but they're often enhancers."

Cook and Wright were arraigned Monday in Champaign County on charges involving corpse abuse and evidence tampering. Their bonds are set at $50,000 each.

Puccio and the Forneys were arrested in Hamilton on Saturday. On Monday, they waived extradition in Butler County Common Pleas Court and were transported back to Champaign County.

Puccio is charged with felonious assault, murder, abuse of a corpse and tampering with evidence. His bond is $532,500.

Andrew Forney faces counts of abuse of a corpse, two counts of obstructing justice, tampering with evidence and complicity to tampering with evidence. His bond is $42,500.

Kandis Forney is being held on a $30,000 bond on charges of complicity to tampering with evidence and two counts of obstructing justice.

Friends of Puccio said Sacco was his ex-girlfriend. Police and investigators from the state Bureau of Criminal Investigation spent most of Friday in her Light Street home, sorting and bagging evidence.

Rumors that Sacco was pregnant are not true, coroner Richards said.

Linda said Puccio and the Forneys stayed with her before their arrest. She said Puccio confessed to her that he had killed Sacco, but that he thought Sacco planned to kill him.

Linda thinks Puccio should not be in jail.

"I think that they should allow him to go," she said. "I mean, that boy, he would not hurt a fly. The only reason he did it was in self-defense."

Gary Zerkle, Sacco's landlord, said she had lived at the Light Street address since last fall. Zerkle said Sacco stopped by around October and asked if Puccio could also move into the apartment.

Zerkle said he told her it would not be a problem as long as there were no disturbances. Shortly before Thanksgiving, Sacco stopped by again and asked if two more friends from Michigan could spend a week at the apartment. Zerkle said he later discovered the Forneys had been living there since then.

He said he did not know Sacco or Puccio well and there had never been any complaints.

Zerkle said the victim's mother spoke with him about a week ago, saying she had not been able to contact her daughter. He said an initial search of the apartment showed no signs of foul play, although the bathroom door was locked. Zerkle said he thought that was suspicious and went back later to check that room, where he found evidence of foul play and alerted police.

Police Chief Matt Lingrell said the investigation continues and the five could face additional charges.

___

By Matt Sanctis, Jessica Heffner and Megan Gildow-Anthony - Dayton Daily News, Ohio (MCT)

(c)2012 the Dayton Daily News (Dayton, Ohio)

Visit the Dayton Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) at www.daytondailynews.com
Distributed by MCT Information Services

SOURCE

Land of the Juggalosers

Want some lulz? Read this unbiased account of the gathering of the fucktards. If you are anything less than disgusted, then you have no reason to complain about whatever "stereotypes" you think everyone puts Juggalosers into.

http://www.vice.com/read/land-of-juggalos-v14n10

ARE YOU A JUGGALO?

ARE YOU A JUGGALO?
Take this quiz and find out!

Question 1: My favorite band is:
A.) Bubba Sparxxx
B.) Eminem
C.) Vanilla Ice
D.) Insane Clown Posse

True Juggalo Facts! Juggalos are defined by their unerring love for rapping clowns. If you picked D, you are almost 
certainly a Juggalo. Picking A is a bit of a trick question... (Normal people would assume that Bubba Sparxxx is exactly
 the kind of artist that Juggalos would embrace: A dumb, talentless, rapping whigger.) However, any Juggalo will tell
 you that Bubba Sparxxx is the only person to ever be booed off the stage at a “Juggalo Gathering” 
(Tila Tequila wasn't so much booed, as attempted to be stoned to death with half-empty vodka and Faygo filled cans) .
 If you picked A, it’s more likely that you’re a hillbilly who time-travelled into the future from the year 
2001 to warn us not to drink the moonshine that you would bring to market in 2010 
that made everyone go blind and shit their livers out.

Question 2: My ideal woman is:

A.) A hot chick with big boobs.
B.) A hot chick with big boobs dressed in all black.
C.) A hot chick with big boobs wearing clown face paint.
D.) A Juggalette. Also with big boobs.

True Juggalo facts! Juggalos like boobs just like normal human males. The only difference is that they also have an
 affinity for early 90s rave/goth clothes with the pipe legs and the chains hanging everywhere and the face paint and
 various other shit that no hot chick would go within 100 miles of. You are about as likely to see a hot chick at a
 “Juggalo Gathering” as you are to meet a Juggalo attorney or a Juggalo neurosurgeon. Which is to say, not at all.

Question 3: The woman that I’m actually dating really looks more like:
A.) A hot chick with big boobs.
B.) A sorta fat chick that dyes her hair black even though she’s naturally a blonde.
C.) A morbidly obese chick with clown face paint.
D.) A disgusting fat-body of a Robeast that barely even resembles a human being anymore.

True Juggalo facts! The truth hurts, especially when you are a Juggalo. 
This is why Juggalos band together into disorganized “families”, to bear their shameful hogging ways en masse.

Question 4: You catch your pregnant girlfriend smoking out behind the shed. Do you:
A.) Speak to her about the perils of smoking while pregnant.
B.) Tell her to stop, and finish her butt (smokes are expensive, cant let that go to waste).
C.) Burn her arm with the lit cig, to teach her a lesson.
D.) Beat her with a hatchet, and then take her to the bedroom to get started on a new baby Juggalo to replace the one you just self-aborted.

True Juggalo facts! Juggalos frown upon bigotry and racism 
(despite nearly all of them being suburban Midwestern white kids), 
but they regularly engage in violence and “bitch beating”.

(The Juggalo Jesus was conceived in a Dayton Ohio parking lot)
Question 5: My religious beliefs would best be described as:
A.) Personal.
B.) A contradictory blend of Christianity and atheism.
C.) Wiccan.
D.) Some bullshit about dark carnivals and joker cards and Jesus and clowns or some such bullshit.

True Juggalo facts! Many hardcore Juggalos believe that ICP’s music is a thoughtful allegory about life and religion. 
I shit you not. It’s probably the only thing dumber than pretending to be a witch, 
though slightly less crazy than Scientology. 

Question 6: When I get home from work I like to unwind by:
A.) Catching up on a few episodes of whatever premium cable TV shows I DVR’d last week.
B.) Catching up on a few episodes of whatever basic cable TV shows I Tivo’d last week.
C.) Catching up on a few episodes of WWE Raw and Smackdown that I recorded on my VCR last week.
D.) I am unemployed.

True Juggalo facts! The more of a Juggalo you are, the more likely you are to be unemployed. 
Persecution complexes and clown fetishes aren’t generally the types of skills that employers are looking for.

Question 7: My favorite soft drink or beverage is:
A.) Sparkling water.
B.) RC Cola
C.) Pabst Blue Ribbon.
D.) Faygo.

True Juggalo facts! If you even know what Faygo is, you’re probably a Juggalo. I think they only sell it in 
the Midwest, which, as we all know, is a thriving hotbed of Juggalosity. Cheap beer is another favorite of the Juggalo,
 though they share this affinity with other white folk that only like to pretend to be uneducated and poor.

Question 8: My education level is:
A.) High school or above.
B.) Junior high.
C.) Laughable.
D.) Nonexistent.

True Juggalo facts! If you are a Juggalo, someone is probably going to have to read this article 
out loud to you and change all those big multisyllable words.

Question 9: True or false: My interest in wrestling is only superseded by my interest in rapping clowns.

A.) This in no way pertains to my interests.
B.) False.
C.) True.
D.) What the fuck is a super seed? Is that some kind of badass new pot seed or some shit?

True Juggalo facts! The only thing Juggalos like more than wrestling is rapping clowns. 
Scientists theorize that Juggalos may even have developed their signature short, squat stature 
over generations of backyard piledriving (and inbreeding).

Question 10: True or false: My face is like the surface of the moon, only rounder, and covered with molten cheese.
A.) Uh, false.
B.) True.
C.) Pretty much, but you don’t notice the craters so much what with all the face paint and everything.
D.) Eh, I dunno. I haven’t actually seen what my face looks like since I got the clown paint permanently tattooed on.

True Juggalo facts! Faygo is a leading cause of skin outbreaks, which are not at all helped by the 
dollar cheeseburger and hot pocket diet, nor the pore-clogging face paint.

Bonus Question!
I will send a sniveling hate mail message and/or flaccid verbal threat to the author of this article:
A.) Never.
B.) As soon as I’m finished crying.
C.) Already sent it.
D.) In as long as it takes me to get a ride to the library. Because I don’t have a computer. Or a car.

True Juggalo facts! Juggalos are notorious for being obnoxious whiny bitches. 
One of their favorite things to do is to threaten to cut another Juggalo’s head off 
with a hatchet or some crap like that via email, Twitter or Facebook. 
When that same Juggalo receives a threat in response, he will then make a complaint 
about the sender to the email provider, send an angry reply back on Twitter 
or spam his Facebook messages with abuse. This will probably result in both of them being 
banned or deleted, at which point they will then take their little disagreement to another social network. 

Never will they actually meet and do any of the things that they threaten to do to one another.

TALLY UP YOUR POINTS!

If you answered mostly A.
Congratulations! You are not a Juggalo. With any luck, you will never hear the word “Juggalo” ever again in your life, and will live happily ever after as whatever dumb group of losers that you belong to instead.

If you answered mostly B. 
You are considered “at risk’ of Juggalory. Move to a major metropolitan center of language and culture, and you should be fine. Stay away from Hot Topic and eat a salad once in awhile, it isn’t gonna kill you.

If you answered mostly C.
You may be in need of an intervention. You are dangerously close to naming your first-born child “Shaggy 2 Dope” or “Violent J” (even though it's a girl). Your job in the Walmart stockroom may be in danger if you continue wearing your face paint to work, you’re running out of social networking sites to get deleted from, and the U.S. government refuses to recognize “Juggalo Ninjas” as a proper religion worthy of tax exemption. The only way out for you at this point may be to fake your own death. It’s certainly worth considering.

If you answered mostly D.
The supreme Juggalo, from which all others are spawned.
Then you are an “Alpha Juggalo”. Other Juggalos revere you. You may even be in a band that plays Juggalo music! You probably have all the Robeasts and Faygo that anyone could ever want, if anyone ever actually wanted Robeasts and Faygo. You are truly a trendsetter among an army of identical, overweight white trash unemployed rapping clowns. Great job! You’ve officially had a hand in devolving the human race as a species!

E.Buzz Miller's Pop Culture Notes and other junk.: August 2011

Education: Not leading to Juggalism since 1995.

When I was younger, around the age of 15, I had a juvenile sense of humor.  Fart/pee jokes were finer than the wine I wasn't technically allowed to drink at the dinner table but did anyway.  That's why whenever somebody mentioned ICP at this age, I didn't realize that they were saying an acronym.  I literally thought the band was called "I See Pee."  Being young and retarded, this made me giggle.

I've grown up now, and my sense of humor has drastically expanded, but still, there's that 15 year old lurking in the back of my mind that smirks whenever I hear or read that acronym.

I remember, back in the halcyon days of my summer youth, this one girl asked me to come over to her house.  She was actually incredibly cute, and of course, the hormones that were my brain at the time commanded me to do as she said.  So I did.  She then proceeded to play ICP on her stereo system once we got to her place.  Being a child of Godsmack, and actually having played the saxophone for 7 years of my life, jamming to the tunes of both classical and jazz, I immediately detected severe waves of faggotry emanating from her stereo system.

This isn't music, I thought.  Other thoughts followed as well.

This sounds like bear sex on a bass drum kit.

What the sweet hell is a Juggalo?  Is that a guy who juggles dicks?

The last and final thought was pussy ain't worth listening to this shit.

And that's when she said the following words, and I quote, "I would totally kill my dad to this music."

Time kind of slowed down.  I realized that I was in the Twilight Zone.  Normal people don't say this kind of thing, I knew that for a fact, and I was kind of weirded out by the fact that everything in her room was ICP related.  I knew then that I had to get as far away from this girl as possible.

So I stood up, said "Yeah, uh, I got a science thing to do.  At home.  Now.  Please.  I'll talk to you later."

"What?  But we just got started!"

"Yeah.  Uh.  Science project.  Sorry."

I showed myself out, got into my car that I barely knew how to drive, and peeled out, doing 70 on the way home, even though it was only 10 minutes away.

Looking back at that incident now, I realize that had I stayed, I'd probably have 15 illegitmate children with that whore, and would have contracted some mutant form of AIDS which would rob me of my sight and turn all sounds I heard into jungle music about axes, and I'd probably weigh in at 400 pounds with a severe case of gout and would probably be an accessory to the murder of her father.

This is the same whore who later tried to contact me via facebook a couple years ago, and let's just say she gives fat a whole new meaning. I'm sure her ass has it's own congressional district and/or branch of the military.  Her ass is the moon that Newt Gingrich wants to colonize.  She has her own gravitational pull.  She affects the tides.  Look, I could go on forever.  Needles to say, this bitch created tectonic faults in her wake as she waddled from her rancid meth cave to hop on her moped so she could putz around at four miles per hour to the McDonalds down the street.

In response to her friend request I asked her the stock question "I don't get magnets.  How do they work?" and she raged like a sun going supernova and she sent me idle threats which made me laugh uncontrollably.  I told her to come at me on her power scooter, and she detonated.  The resulting messages were incomprehensible, as if she was bashing her hideously fat hands on the keyboard hoping that words came out.  Remember Gorilla Basic for Windows 3.1?  Some of you reading this might not remember that ancient game for it was before your time, but needless to say she looks just like them, except twice as ugly. 

Fortunately, my parents gave me a saxophone (There was a study out a while ago that said that kids in band got 20% better grades or something of that nature.  Food for thought.) and pushed higher education on me almost since I could speak, ensuring that I would not be some lowlife faggot who paints gelled sperm on their face and goes Porta Potty diving for rancid feces to throw at Tila Tequila at the age of 35. 

To put into context the type of people my parents are, it was my mother who introduced me to Godsmack, and it was my father who sat me down and made me listen to Rage Against the Machine.  My mother played the clarinet and guitar.  My father was a drummer.

I owe a lot of my successes to my parents because they pushed knowledge like it was crack, and they didn't take failure from me as an option, because they knew I could do anything if I had the right tools.   

The fact that Juggalos exist is because their parents pushed crack, as hers did as it later turned out two years ago.

JUST SAYING.

My adventures living with a dirty Juggalo pt 1

The names and locations will be changed to protect........ well no one really, I just don't feel like dealing endless sniveling and gnashing of teeth in my day to day life. It is bad enough I have to deal with this fucking scum bag already without him boo-hooing about this too. Forgive my sentence structure, run on sentences and other glaring writing errors. I am by no means a professorial writer or English major and I am sure it will show.

Well I guess there is no other place to start this story but from the beginning. I live on a large acreage a few miles away from a somewhat larger midwest city and run a small business that handles online sales of real world merchandise. At one point I ended up with a Juggalo we will call Billy living on my property and sort of working for me to cover his rent but our story starts a few years earlier than that.
I first met Billy through a mutual friend that was big into medieval reenactments. Said mutual friend was known to have weekend long parties at his house every weekend and when I had nothing better going on I would just stop there with a extra case of beer or a bottle. Well over the years I had met a rather odd variety of "people" at this place and being kind of a prick in the real world, me and another like-minded friend that actually lived there at the time (we will call him Jim) would have endless fun screwing with the weirdos that came and went over the years. Now keep in mind most of the "people" that started hanging out on the weekends towards the end was homeless dirtballs  that came to crash for the weekend and mooch, but always seemed to find money for booze and cigarettes or pipe tobacco. At this point Jim and I had made a game of getting pissed up drunk and seeing who could be the biggest asshole the the new homeless mooches, including games like: pelting sleeping bums in the dome with beer cans, who could get one of the turds to do the craziest jackass like stunt for a cigarette, and other such things we could come up with. This is not including who could bang the new decent bitches first, but you get the idea and I am getting off topic here.

I first met Billy on one of these weekends of drunken douchebaggery when he showed up with his girlfriend at the time... lets call her "Peggy". Billy was a homeless transplant from a few states away and came here to be with Peggy that he met on MySpace (yeah that long ago). Well Peggy's parents caught wind of her buying a homeless guy she met online a bus ticket to come here to meet her and understandably flipped the fuck out, so she left her rich parents to live with a homeless scum bag in a homeless shelter. Now at this point you might be thinking Billy is a Brad Pitt looking motherfucker or something like that but I assure you nothing could be further from the truth. Our pal Billy is a short, sickly skinny, dirt ball with coke bottle glasses and is completely bald on top with long dirty hair around the sides and back that form some sort of hybrid mullet that Jim and I call "the skullet".

Now Peggy was no prize herself mind you. She was rather plain and at that time only slightly chunky with thick glasses herself and to let you know now, time is not kind to Peggy in the years to come. But that will be covered in future installments. Now what lead to these two morons being together is a story lulzy in of it's self and worth going into further. Billy had found Peggy on a MySpace pagan group and tells her his, as of yet unconfirmed, tale of woe. He claimed to have been married so some woman and she was pregnant with his child but she was murdered and the reason he is homeless is because he "gave up" after that happened. On top of all this he fed her some line of shit about how they were together several times in previous lives and they are fated to be together again (no seriously, I could not make this shit up if I tried). At this point Jim and I was still being nice for the most part because Billy and Peggy did not seem as bad as the other losers around and they stayed out of our path, well that and we did know about all this horseshit yet. This spree of kindness did not last long due to Billy eventually getting drunk enough to start telling us all about his and Peggy's past lives together and about all of us having various roles in these past lives. This incurred a shit storm of lulz and many years of mockery that still continue.

Normally Billy would have been laughed out of the place, but that same weekend while drunk, the topic of midget tossing came up (all the details are a little fuzzy due to jager bombs) and one thing lead to another and another friend of ours that was over, ended up tossing a consenting Billy across the yard. This resulted in Billy having a broken leg that needed a rod and several screws to fix. The friend that owned the place not wanting a lawsuit (or in Billy's case, an lol-suit) let Billy and Peggy stay for a while 'til Billy was well enough to walk. During this time period Billy had gotten in contact with his homeless Juggalo friends in his home state and somehow convinced them to come here for some reason. I am not sure I can adequately convey the utter lulzyness of this growing horde of dirtballs with words, but I can try. The first one being a girl in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy I nicknamed "Crazy Legs", She came with her future baby daddy we will call "Tony". We will cover some of the lulz of this pair of simple fucks later on... (to be continued)

Male & Female Juggalo Characteristics

MALE

The male Juggalo (Juggalus retardus) is the most common breed of ICP fan. Clown makeup, as well as displaying how awesome a juggalo is, also works to mask the major acne issues that they tend to have. However, it is likely that wearing makeup all day is the main cause of their acne in the first place, which explains why Juggalos are still dressed like clowns when well into their twenties: To cover up their pus-filled sores.

In their youth, Juggalos often rebel against "The Man" in unique forms of protest (By saying "fuck" to their parents and teachers, and even going so far as to dress like clowns in school, assuming their peers do not administer frequent beatings for such behavior). Due to their accelerated education through the teachings of Insane Clown Posse, many feel fit to leave school early, opting instead for a life of cheap drugs, picking fights with other musical cliques, and trying to father a child in vain. In the non-Juggalo, or "Hater" world, this places their entire subculture on the same intellectual level as children, which perhaps explains the appeal of becoming a Juggalo to those beyond teenage years who suffer from serious mental retardation.

Juggalos form the crusty flakes of shit around the asshole of society. Their lack of formal education or goals in life (Outside the compulsive accrual of every stitch of official ICP merchandise they can get their hands on) means that their employment prospects are on par with illegal immigrants, ex-convicts, the mentally retarded, and sex offenders. To be fair, many Juggalos happen to fall into at least two of those aforementioned groups, with the exception of illegal immigrants due to the Juggalos' rich Aryan heritage. Despite these stigmas, Juggalos have a broad range of employment opportunity in many fields.

Service Industry:
Eating utensil sanitizer
Peepshow booth glass cleaner/jizz mopper
Amateur tattoo artist
Fuel transfer technician
Meth lab cook
Grease trap {cleaner}
Outback Steakhouse busboy
Breaking rocks with other rocks
Refuse collector/disposer
Parent disappointer

Military:
Bullet catcher
Human shield
Leavenworth quarry landscape technician
Minefield early-warning system
Prisoner of war

Medical:
Viral testing guinea pig
Downs Syndrome study specimen
Specimen for the study of ape behavior
Organ bank
Bedpan {washer }

FEMALE

It is true, though hard to believe, that there is a female version of Juggalo known as a Jugalette (Juggala syphila). Their appearance is remarkably similar to that of the males, which is why many don't believe Juggalettes actually exist. Identifying a Juggalette from a Juggalo is like determining a penguin's gender; the only way to find out is to administer a blood test or a genitalia examination, both of which represent a significant bio-hazard to nearby countries. The precise mental gymnastics that allow Juggalettes to reconcile both the instruction to hate "haters" and being the obvious object of hate in all Insane Clown Posse songs are unknown.

The largest form of Juggalo, Jugalettes are invariably morbidly obese, and as breeding programs have shown, this problem in addition to their cheap drug addictions means that they are unable to successfully produce live offspring. Their natural habitat is the Gathering Of The Juggalos event where they run around topless or naked.

Since no Juggalette can produce children that aren't horribly deformed, it is important that these children start listening to ICP immediately after birth: A sort of "baptism by bass boost", if you will. Their inability to give birth to anything worth living does not deter Jugalettes and Juggalos from copulating anyway, as the dead body of a Juggalo child (Or "ninjet") is an important bargaining tool while haggling for official merchandise and donations via official Juggalo media. Mentioning the dead child is usually sufficient enough for free T-shirts, medallions, and CDs. But in order to obtain the more expensive goods, the corpse presumably has to be mailed to Psychopathic Records along with a self addressed envelope.