Male & Female Juggalo Characteristics

MALE

The male Juggalo (Juggalus retardus) is the most common breed of ICP fan. Clown makeup, as well as displaying how awesome a juggalo is, also works to mask the major acne issues that they tend to have. However, it is likely that wearing makeup all day is the main cause of their acne in the first place, which explains why Juggalos are still dressed like clowns when well into their twenties: To cover up their pus-filled sores.

In their youth, Juggalos often rebel against "The Man" in unique forms of protest (By saying "fuck" to their parents and teachers, and even going so far as to dress like clowns in school, assuming their peers do not administer frequent beatings for such behavior). Due to their accelerated education through the teachings of Insane Clown Posse, many feel fit to leave school early, opting instead for a life of cheap drugs, picking fights with other musical cliques, and trying to father a child in vain. In the non-Juggalo, or "Hater" world, this places their entire subculture on the same intellectual level as children, which perhaps explains the appeal of becoming a Juggalo to those beyond teenage years who suffer from serious mental retardation.

Juggalos form the crusty flakes of shit around the asshole of society. Their lack of formal education or goals in life (Outside the compulsive accrual of every stitch of official ICP merchandise they can get their hands on) means that their employment prospects are on par with illegal immigrants, ex-convicts, the mentally retarded, and sex offenders. To be fair, many Juggalos happen to fall into at least two of those aforementioned groups, with the exception of illegal immigrants due to the Juggalos' rich Aryan heritage. Despite these stigmas, Juggalos have a broad range of employment opportunity in many fields.

Service Industry:
Eating utensil sanitizer
Peepshow booth glass cleaner/jizz mopper
Amateur tattoo artist
Fuel transfer technician
Meth lab cook
Grease trap {cleaner}
Outback Steakhouse busboy
Breaking rocks with other rocks
Refuse collector/disposer
Parent disappointer

Military:
Bullet catcher
Human shield
Leavenworth quarry landscape technician
Minefield early-warning system
Prisoner of war

Medical:
Viral testing guinea pig
Downs Syndrome study specimen
Specimen for the study of ape behavior
Organ bank
Bedpan {washer }

FEMALE

It is true, though hard to believe, that there is a female version of Juggalo known as a Jugalette (Juggala syphila). Their appearance is remarkably similar to that of the males, which is why many don't believe Juggalettes actually exist. Identifying a Juggalette from a Juggalo is like determining a penguin's gender; the only way to find out is to administer a blood test or a genitalia examination, both of which represent a significant bio-hazard to nearby countries. The precise mental gymnastics that allow Juggalettes to reconcile both the instruction to hate "haters" and being the obvious object of hate in all Insane Clown Posse songs are unknown.

The largest form of Juggalo, Jugalettes are invariably morbidly obese, and as breeding programs have shown, this problem in addition to their cheap drug addictions means that they are unable to successfully produce live offspring. Their natural habitat is the Gathering Of The Juggalos event where they run around topless or naked.

Since no Juggalette can produce children that aren't horribly deformed, it is important that these children start listening to ICP immediately after birth: A sort of "baptism by bass boost", if you will. Their inability to give birth to anything worth living does not deter Jugalettes and Juggalos from copulating anyway, as the dead body of a Juggalo child (Or "ninjet") is an important bargaining tool while haggling for official merchandise and donations via official Juggalo media. Mentioning the dead child is usually sufficient enough for free T-shirts, medallions, and CDs. But in order to obtain the more expensive goods, the corpse presumably has to be mailed to Psychopathic Records along with a self addressed envelope.